Friday, January 2, 2015

Read this when your day is just THE WORST.

January 2, 2015

     Kids, you'll never remember this (hopefully) but when Mommy and Daddy moved to Texas it was just THE WORST time in our lives. First of all, we wanted to leave Las Vegas because we hoped for better schools, less crime, and overall a more wholesome place to raise kids with a little slower pace of life. Then we met Wichita Falls and we started to really appreciate all we had back home. I had accepted that I would have to leave my job, start over as a stay at home mom for a little while and rebuild our home/routines/businesses. I was not prepared for how much all this would cost and I'm a little frustrated at all the expense we've incurred during the move even though some of it will be reimbursed by the military. Actually, the trip here was not that bad. On the drive, I found out that I passed my licensure exam and I was feeling very optimistic. Then we got into town and stayed in the temporary house for 10 days. That's when things started to turn. I got the flu, Ocki ran away for two days, we got news that our stuff won't arrive at our new house until January 7 (this was on Dec 23), we saw our new house and cried, I dropped and cracked my phone screen, Deklan poured juice on my laptop, you kids passed pink eye back and forth. Still, I made Christmas happen to the best of my ability and that day was alright.

     But as if all that wasn't enough, we ran out of time at the temporary house and had to move into our empty ugly house. It was definitely a downgrade from our house before (which was also not super great). We fortunately had an air mattress with us, a cot for Deklan, a few toys, 1 pot, 1 pan, 1 knife, and a few towels. I thought I was so clever since surely we wouldn't need all that, but if we had to, we'd survive. Well, it has snowed about three times since we got here. There's a huge crack in the front door frame where warm air leaks out or cold air leaks in- whichever. We didn't have anything to sit on so we borrowed our neighbors patio furniture and bought a folding table (likely the one you still see at every Christmas party/friends gathering etc to this day. I will never be able to look at that table without cringing at this memory). Just yesterday our water heater broke and I had to take a cold shower. We had to get a hole in the wall fixed so Ocki couldn't escaped into the walls. You've both begun to outgrow your clothes that are still too thin for this weather. Ugh, the list goes on and on. Now, Quinn, you are sick with a flu and when I told the nurse your age on the phone it sounded like a she was rechecking my math as to how many months old you are- presumably on her fingers.

    I feel so bad for Deklan. We went to a playgroup and no one else showed up. I even offered to babysit in our empty house New Years Eve just so he'd have a playmate. We got 3 playmates, and Joel said he was going to kill me for volunteering for this. There's not much to play with, there's no comfortable place to play, but still he has a pretty good attitude.

   We've only been here 2 weeks and I already tried to start a revolution- "The military should not hold our things hostage! We should not be forced to go months without our belongings just because they have not contracted with enough companies to get our things here faster!" No one cared. All the other spouses said, "Its pretty normal." Fine. I'm defeated. I am surrendering to this shit storm in every way.

     I don't have much to look forward to, but I will tell you this- I love you both so madly that all I can think about is IF I can survive this- I will likely be in a position to give you all the luxuries I dream about some day. I want to take you traveling. I want to give you a HOME. A real nest to call "Mom & Dad's House". I want to send you to college and pay for your weddings. I'm still convinced that saving money can happen here. Quinn has started to call me "Mama"; Deklan now calls me "maw maw" like he has a Texas accent (which I sort of hate because it makes me feel old). Quinn is eating baby food. We are eating food. We are warm. We now have a new water heater and clean water. We have no choice but to hunker down and wait out the shit storm. Grab umbrellas, kids, because Maw maw said there'd be days like this! Even after I'm gone though, I'll be your galoshes and we will splash on through your problems together.

(Don't be fooled by the smiles, this was the temp house where we actually had beds/bowls/etc...)

Love you for always, 

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