Tuesday, September 2, 2014

How I am trying to escape being a SAHM

Dearest Babies,

        I LOVE you, I really really do...
Deklan: You are so brilliant. I am trying to potty train you and you are really started to foreshadow for me how I think you'll be when you are a teenager. You do not care if you stink (and you do). You do not care if you have snot running down your face and into your mouth. The more I ask you to do something, the less likely you are to do it. You seem to like to feel as though everything is your idea. Poop in the potty? -if you want to, Eat a veggie?- if you want to. Other things that are difficult to get you to do- get out of the bath, sit at the table, brush your teeth, leave your blankie at home, eat anything besides bread or candy, put on shoes, put on pants, drink slowly, and go to sleep...to name a few. You are a little sponge though! You repeat everything like "Adios" and "Gracias". You are kinda a "follower" although not in a bad way so far. You just like to watch what others are doing and then try it out for yourself. You are observant and fearless. My favorite quality about you though is your empathy. Once when I was mad, I thought I was playing it cool, not even Daddy knew I was mad, and you kept saying, "Mommy sad. Mommy sad, stop it." You often ask me if I'm happy, you ask other children if they are ok when you see them get hurt. You run to Quinn when she's crying to make sure she's alright. I adore this about you.

Quinn: if you are comparing the size of these paragraphs, don't. Right now you are mostly just a blob of baby. Your personality shows a little already, but you don't do much. Today we stayed home together and literally- we napped. I quickly shoveled some food down during a calm moment, but then at the first utterings of what I feared would become a cry, I held and fed you again. You sleep pretty well at night, but falling asleep is sometimes hard for you. Every night from about 7:30-8:30 you cry and fight sleep. I don't get it! it's all you've been doing anyway... Deklan loves to try to hold you. He kisses you a lot and holds your hand, but you don't seem to like that. You sleep next to me in your bassinet, but usually I wake up with you on my chest (I move you to feed you and then fall asleep mid-burping). You are 1.5 mos now and you smile more and this just tickles me! I think you're absolutely beautiful. You love to be in your carrier, although it makes me feel like 100 million degrees. You never want to be put down. I love to hold you both in each arm and thank God for two beautiful wonderful babies.

Daddy was told we would be moving to Texas for his work, but just recently it got cancelled. Mommy was planning to go back to work but in short, everyone quit while I was on maternity leave. Everything is is limbo right now. Where will we live? What will we do? Will I work? Will Quinn go to daycare with Deklan at La Petite? For how long? How will I breastfeed still? After Daddy's paternity leave, I've really only spent 2 weeks as a SAHM, but I've already gone on one interview  (Quinn came with and was such a lady, but she did poop and burp in my lap- whatever as long as there was no crying). I didn't like the company so this week I have contacted my old agency to put feelers out. After having written this I realize even more what a blessing it is to get so much time to bond with you both. I love having time with you each 1:1. I also want to provide. I know Deklan LOVES school and he is so bright. Right now he is also trying out gymnastics and soccer. I want you both to get to try anything you want, and also--- I love my job! My mom worked and my grandmas worked too. I guess I have a family of women that can do it all! I think by putting us in limbo, God is telling me right now- just sit still, enjoy this time...you'll never get it back. Thank you Joel for this gift of time with my kids. Thank you kids for this time with you. Never in a million years did I think my life would turn out so remarkable...

Love Mommy & Daddy.  

you do this at dinner every night...

You won't let me set you down, so I fold laundry on your head 

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