Thursday, October 20, 2011

The Invisible String

219 Days Until We Hold You...

Dear Calababy,

               Mom here. I really miss your Grandma Carol. You have two- one Grammie Carol (Joel's mom) and one Grandma Carol (my mom). Specifically, right this moment, I really miss my mom. You may even know her already because she told me of you in a dream about a week before I knew I was pregnant. She was sorry, she said, that she was missing out on being here physically for you and me. She was so neat. She always kept a clean house, she sacrificed herself for her family all the time, and she never complained, but instead assumed the best in everyone. She always wanted everyone to get along. She hated if anyone's feeling were hurt. She held our family together, and sometimes I feel lost without her. 
               I suspect you'll turn out like her (even if you're a boy). A sweet little soul, polite and inquisitive, witty and caring... That's what you are. A pea in my pod. Even though I don't always act the kindest, especially with hormones flaring, I care about people a lot. Sometimes, I care for so long that I begin to feel I ignored myself, or bottled up my feelings until they explode. Don't do that. It doesn't work out well, and it's not nice. Just find contentment in being my little pea. Stay in there and be warm and snuggly, and know that we are practicing to be the best people we can be before you come out. We are patiently waiting to have your little hand in ours. I know you will teach me novels about life.
                Not to worry though. I am going to read this book to you, The Invisible String. It's to show you how no matter how near or far any of us are to each other, there will always be this little string that connects us. Right now you couldn't be closer to me but soon enough we will grow a little farther and farther apart (in good healthy ways) and we will forever have our hearts connected to Daddy, Grammie, Poppy, Grandpa, Grandma,...and all your Uncles, Aunties, and cousins... AND Great Granny (Oh, she is so awesome), plus you're other Great Grandmas, too! It is going to be so cool! I will even make you a little bracelet like these below so you can see what I mean. I may feel frustrated today, but even my little string to Grandma Carol is not severed. I just have to feel around for it again.      

I hope you are soaking up all my kindness and that explains why I lash out sometimes at others... HA! That'd be a great excuse!
Love you lots and lots  OILY! (like Grammie says)


1 comment:

  1. This was very touching. I couldn't even hold the tears in and my throat feels sore from doing so. Does that happen to you? Trying to hold in tears so hard that you feel it in your throat? That lump but like 10 times worse.

    I'm sorry your mommy isn't physically here but if ever there were a reason to believe in angels it's in this post. I got a flurry of pretty little feelings inside the second I read that you dreamt about her right before you found out you were pregnant....that's beyond awesome...that's amazing and encouraging...clearly, she'll always be with you. I couldn't imagine the thoughts in your mind when you found out after that dream.

    Again, you're going to be a WONDERFUL mommy and your mommy will be there in ways when you need her help. I'm sure. :)